From both anecdotal and personal experience, we understand that strap on harnesses can bring up complex and multifaceted feelings around gender, bodies, and sexuality. That’s why I sat down with our friend, Dee, to discuss the role their strap on has in their gender identity and expression. They were kind enough to say “yes!” when I asked them if they would share their personal experience for our blog.
Seven, of Sabersmyth
Seven: Are you comfortable defining your gender identity for me?
Dee: I’m gender chaotic, leaning masculine, but a lot of realities about my AFAB body read heavily femme, and I am almost entirely read as “woman” by external audiences. Gender affirming care is inaccessible to me due to some medical realities of my body, but thanks to gender affirming therapy and a supportive community, I’ve found peace with my dysphoria.
Seven: How does this come up in your intimate relationships?
Dee: Having my gender identity validated by my romantic partners has a huge impact on how comfortable I feel when sharing myself sexually with them. If somebody is dating me but thinking about me as a cis woman, it feels like a huge part of who I am is being left out of the relationship. I prefer not to use the term girlfriend, I like being referred to as “partner” or “boyfriend” by somebody I’m involved with.
Seven: What role does your strapon play in your sexuality?
Dee: For me it’s really important that a partner I’m playing in that way with recognizes this isn’t some sexy accessory I’m wearing for funsies, but to me, it’s the closest I can get to putting on a body part a deep part of me feels like I was supposed to be born with. It’s important to me that my partner recognizes it as an extension of my sexual self in addition to a sexy toy.
Seven: I’ve heard you wax poetic about strapons, and I happen to know that you have a Sabersmyth strap on harness! I’m curious what about it specifically made it feel more gender affirming for you?
Dee: Okay so there were two things about it specifically that made it feel more like a second-skin kind of situation for me, less like I was wearing some toy accessory and more like I have on some fancy leather harness lingerie situation and it just *happens* to also be how I put on my dick.
The first thing was the waist belt. I have violin hips (hip dips), so my hips have a little inner curve to them right under the hip bone. They’re just a normal body shapes thing, but it’s super difficult to get strapons to stay put - they’re constantly slipping off during use for me, unless I tighten the hip straps very firmly, and then it’s like constant pinching, which is pretty distracting. Anyways, the waist band is a game changer for me, I haven’t seen that design before. I feel like the whole strapon moves with my hips a bit more responsively and I don’t have to adjust it.
The second thing I like about it is the plate switching out system in the front. I can wear it into the bedroom as a hip harness leather lingerie situation, and then swap out the front plate when it’s time for my dick to join the scene. I’m not fumbling with getting it on in the middle of a hot and heavy moment.
Overall this particular strapon has felt a lot more like a second skin than like I’m substituting in for something I don’t have, which has been really wonderful for me.
Seven: I can’t express enough how meaningful it is to me, as the maker, to hear that you’ve had a positive gender-and-body affirming experience with this harness. Thank you so much for sharing!
Dee: Thank you for the opportunity, and such a thoughtful design!
For more information about our strapon harness with interchangeable front plates and waist support, see our Strap On Harness product listing.